Clarity

Clarity

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Whirlwind of Emotions.

Warning: This post is definitely going to make you upset and dejected. So, I recommend that you don't read it if you are in an extremely pleasant mood today. -KahWai-












You feel as if everyone is against you. You try to convince yourself that people are probably not in a good mood. You happened to be be there, just at the wrong time. Anger directed at you. But, so what? If only I could take it that way. I feel so useless. Lying around all day, wasting precious time. Having nothing but memories of happier times when I was part of it. At times, I actually think I have an awesome life. However, at times, I feel as if someone threw me down the building, stabbed me with a knife and then threw me into the drain. It's a little gruesome, mind you, I ain't sadistic.

I slept and I woke up. But, I still felt it in me. This melancholic feeling. Overpowering every single happy cell in my body. It dawned upon me that the epiphany I had been having all week was true. It wasn't my fault, it was basically everything around me. When one closes the door, I just walk away pretending I'm happy. The truth is, I'm not. I was dying to scream and tell you that I'm not okay. But, I didn't have the heart to do so, of course. What if everyone left one by one? I don't know.

I don't need teddy bears or chocolates. I need something. Something solid and real. I don't want it to end.

Thanks, K. For listening as I complain for an hour while you're trying to study.
I regret never listening to you when you needed my help.


Damn, I feel so evil.

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